


Generic Hallmark Title

by Paech



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, just a very cute relaxing oneshot bc I love christmas, sweet sweet in-law bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paech/pseuds/Paech
Summary: Kanaya wants to get something different for Rose for the holidays and Dave is an endless supply of ideas.
Relationships: Kanaya Maryam & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Generic Hallmark Title

GA: Dave I Need Your Assistance

GA: On A Very Important Pressed Manner That Cannot Wait For A Moment It Is Very Haste

TG: whats all the rush maryam im trying to enjoy a nice cuppa hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream 

TG: im gonna get diabetes from how much i accidentally scooped out thats my holiday gift this year

TG: excessive needle injections

GA: That Sounds Nice

GA: The Hot Chocolate And Whip Cream I Mean Not Your Human Health

GA: Having A Warm Sweet Drink In My Hands Instead Of Standing In The Middle Of An Outlet As Bustles Happen Around Me And Frostbites Likely In The Making

TG: huh where are you 

GA: At The Outlet 

GA: There Is An Enormous Tree Here 

GA: Its Decorated Very Nicely

TG: are you shopping for christmas gifts or something 

TG: if you are dont tell me what youre getting me i wanna be all surprised and like a five year old again shaking all the presents with my name on them after midnight

TG: oh shit do you even know what i want for christmas is that why you contacted me

GA: Im Mainly Shopping For Rose 

TG: well i want some new headphones but like those cool red ones and then penguin pajammies 

TG: wait what 

TG: wtf kanaya im hurt my heart just broke into four 

TG: really thought my chill alien sister-in-law was asking me what i wanted for christmas and i was all flustered like i didn't even have to ask for a gift from you this year you just took it upon yourself to go shopping for me your sick ass bro-in-law

GA: I Always Get You A Gift

TG: i just had my heart ripped out my ass

GA: This Is About Rose Not Your Waddlebeast Clothing At The Moment

TG: why do you need my help with rose though anyway youre her wife

TG: youre the rose decipher here not me im not the one saddling up with rose under the sheets

GA: I Just Thought I'd Surprise Rose A Little This Year 

GA: By Getting An Outside Opinion 

GA: From The Family

TG: okay you won my heart back that green colored text reading family turnt my shattered cold heart back into a jumping and thrumming blood producer

TG: like everyday i get reminded i have a dysfunctional but loving family and i start turning beet red 

GA: Yes Well Im Sure That Is What Having A Family Is Supposed To Be

GA: Trolls Do Not Normally Have Families So

GA: Getting To Experience One As Unfamiliar As It Is Does Things To My Chest 

TG: yeah just so you know were unreturnable youre gonna have to cope with us for the rest of your life bc i doubt rose is gonna wanna let you go

GA: I Dont Plan To Either

TG: that includes dirk btw

GA: Shudder

TG: alright so whats up

Kanaya glanced up from her phone, her thumb tapping repeatedly on the screen to keep the glow on. Her eyes wandered from store window to window, nibbling on her lip in concentration. 

GA: Do You Think A Stuffed Bear Is Surprising Enough

TG: what stuffed bear 

GA: Usually In Context Of Softly Crafted Plushies I Always Acquire Rose A Cat 

GA: But This Year Around I Will Set Expectations As Unexpected And Purchase A Bear 

GA: !!

TG: uh sure knock yourself out but thats kinda lame

GA: In What Way

TG: im pretty sure buying her a tentacle shaped dildo would be more surprising than just an ordinary stuffed bear

GA: But You See This Bear Is Green And Red 

GA: !!!

TG: rose is gonna be stoked to find not only a stuffed bear but a green and red christmas bear 

TG: shell be glomping on you and praising how this ol switcheroo this season was such an unexpected present and then you two will kiss and do something else while you guys recount how mysterious buying a bear was instead of a cat

GA: Okay I Wont Get It 

Kanaya huffed, fog puffing out as she picked up the pace. Her vision fixated on a shoes store, her claws clinking against the phone. Perhaps buying Rose a pair of shoes she'd never consider wearing would be telling, like ug boots. 

GA: What If I Were To 

TG: listen you only gave me like one of your own ideas and i can already tell you need my help in how to be surprising

TG: let strider take the wheel you contacted me in the first place anyways

GA: Okay Then What Is Your Suggestion

TG: buy her a dog rose isn't a dog person and she'd never expect you to buy a puppy

Kanaya pricked a brow, kicking a clump of snow off from the line she was walking. A puppy? Well, certainly that'd be an interesting reaction from Rose, and definitely to be marked as something new. 

But then once the excitement of receiving something new wears down, her and Rose would be left with caring for a dog! They simply just didn't have enough time for taking it on walks. Kanaya sighed, pressing her thumb into a key, until her phone buzzed suddenly and familiar purple text flashed Kanaya's eyes and made her throat constrict. 

TT: Kanaya, when are you planning to come back home? It's incredibly cold in the house and I have farmed all the blankets from our room but none prove to emulate such warmth that I feel from my wife. 

TT: I know you're shopping at the moment, but I'm sure cuddle emergences are an exception. If not, I will be upset. 

TT: Come home <3

A faint glow shimmered from Kanaya, resuming to nibbling on her bottom lip, except out of nerves and temptation. Her pointed ears felt frosted at this rate, and the knitted mittens she slipped on weren't doing its job successfully, her fingers feeling completely numb and aching. But she had a gift quest to do! No matter how tempting an image of Rose curled up in her side with her limbs slotted and splayed across her painted to be, she'd surely regret it later. 

TG: wait i got it

TG: buy her an ugly dress 

GA: What

GA: Why Would I Spend Anything 

GA: On A Hideous Outfit For My Beautiful Wife 

GA: Who As We Speak Needs My Presence Back At Home

TG: no no kanaya 

TG: resist the temptation shes only trying to seduce you and direct your attention to something else and not complete your goal its a distraction 

TG: that gypsy witch is to blame

Kanaya clutched her phone, becoming a bit hazy with time sensitive decisions. On one soft hand, if she were to decide to throw in the towel of searching for a surprising surprise this Christmas, she'll get to huddle under the blankets with her wife and sip her long-desired hot chocolate with peace and interrupting but welcomed kisses from Rose to her iced nose, cheeks; all in the name of 'warming you up, dear'. 

On the other hand with upturned claws, she wouldn't be able to earn the baffled look on Rose's face as she unwraps her gifts, feeling disappointed in herself for not going through with her plan and criticizing herself for being so easily tempted by her mistress.

TG: kanaya are you there 

TG: kaaaaan 

TG: oh shit kan down kan down mayda mayda weve got a problem

TG: its my sister she lured her in and made her forget her purpose at the mall

Kanaya pouted. Admittedly, somewhere in her consciousness, she wanted to side and listen to Dave, which was a first, and continue on her quest. 

But Rose needed her, and there was nothing in the universe could protrude that would keep Kanaya away from her. She breathed in, icy air filling her lungs and relaxing her posture a bit. 

TG: okay okay if youre barely making your way back to your car or whatever troll term it is for you 

TG: i know a very nice place near the parking area and rose would always eye it whenever we went out just take a turn

When Kanaya followed his instructions, her eyes widened with curiosity then an arch of her brow. 

GA: Really 

GA: This Is What 

GA: Shes Been Ogling At

TG: yeah i know its really stupid and kinda childish but im pretty sure thats the reason shes never thought of buying it even though she obviously wants it real bad 

TG: maybe if you buy it for her shell feel less embarrassed about wanting it as a guise of keeping a gift from someone just because they bought it for you she probably learnt from her mom

TG: but trust me she wants it bad like damn

GA: Well 

GA: If It Is What My Rosie Desires

TG: so anyways back to my penguin pajammies 

GA: Not Yet 

GA: You Still Have To Inform Me Which Specific Item She Was Vastly Interested In

TG: <\3

Rose scrunched up her nose in frustration, bundling up her covers back on her shoulders and over her body, leaning back onto the couch cushions as the TV displayed an old, noncolorized film. She wasn't really paying attention - too busy on passing looks to the door and checking her phone to care about any dialogue that was spouted. 

She already felt impatient about Kanaya not arriving home yet the minute her last message to her was sent, contemplating of the idea of sending another text to her wife. She dismissed with a sulk, not wanting to seem _too_ clingy. 

Rose wanted to stay curled up on the living room couch until Kanaya came back home, slacking her shoulders and lifting herself up with her forearms before murmuring to her in an exaggerated tone and movement to tell her just how _much_ she was yearning for her delicate touch of claws and fangs. She felt frozen to the core though, finding herself waning for the soft feeling of comfort her sized bed offered. 

That was, until, the practically chiming sound of the knob twisting and creaking sounds of the door opening echoed the area, Rose's face suddenly beaming without her meaning to. 

Kanaya came shuffling in, one arm hidden behind her back (Rose caught a quick glance of it though, it was a red sparkled bag) as she closed the door and made sure to lock it. She turned her gaze forward towards Rose, giving her a heart-melting fanged smile that was enough to heat up every icicle stinging Rose's body. 

"Hello, Rose." Kanaya simply greeted, like as if she didn't just leave her dear, formerly-cold wife all alone in the dark! 

"What took so long?" Rose huffed, glaring at Kanaya as she made her way to the couch, carefully taking a place above the blankets and settling the bag deeply into her opposite side of Rose. 

"Just traffic, darling." Kanaya answered, her ears noticeably twitching; a sign Rose picked up as a nervous quirk Kanaya did. 

"Mm," Rose leaned into Kanaya, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "If I may, just what is that bag you brought in that you apparently seem to be so secretive about? From me, your dear, non-snoring-unlike-you wife?"

Kanaya perked, her bottom lip taking a light stab from her fangs as she gave a weak shrug. "There is no bag, what - or um - yes this bag here, it's just hair products....for me."

Rose's look didn't falter, emitting a baffled sound. "I already know all your little nervous quirks and ticks, Missus Maryam. Now spill it, or else I'm getting rid of your Twilight series collection once and for all."

"No, please don't!" Kanaya quickly begged, taking the bag that stapled to her side and presenting it in the middle of them, scooting just a bit back.

"I wanted to gift this to you wrapped when your human Christmas finally came around, but I suppose it doesn't matter which day of the month it was yet, and early gifts of your human season do exist yes?" she said, all while plucking out the tissue and the bow from within. 

"They do, yes, and I'm sure I would've scavenged the depths of the closest anyways if you were to hide it away." 

Kanaya snorted lightly at this. "You silly girl."

Slowly, Kanaya elevated out a finely soft item, two small hooked horns first appearing before a set of jade green bug-eyes presented itself to Rose, a comedically fat little body colored to match its eyes firmly stitched to the head, grub claws protruding from its sides of a total of three. 

Rose was taken aback, a rise of pink on her cheeks. She scrambled to smother out her face, speaking into her palms while Kanaya held out the grub quite fondly, fixing the stuffed grub's matted cotton hair. 

"Oh my god, did Dave tell you about this," Rose said, muffled, feeling her ears and neck heating up in embarrassment. 

"Yes, he did actually," Kanaya smiled, taking a horn in two of her fingers and bending it back slightly. "He was my quote unquote helper this year. You know, this grub bares a striking resemblance to me, I wonder what could've ever made you want it?"

Rose didn't even want to look at the smug look on Kanaya's face; it was already dripping in her voice.

"I swear, it's MERELY just a coincidence."

"Right."

"Mayhaps I found you adorable as a little grub from the few recovered pictures you were able to acquire. It's enough to make a woman ridden with baby fever, you know."

"Yes, well, they do say the cutest grubs grow to be the most charming and irresistible trolls in Alternia." 

Rose cracked a grin, whipping her head up from her hands to playfully shove Kanaya back on the couch's armrest, effectively replacing the shit-eating smug look of a overtly confident troll who spoke exactly the truth with bowl-sized eyes of a frightened kitten, grub plush still carefully cradled in her arms. Rose crawled over her, sticking her tongue out. 

"So what? Are you planning to make this inanimate grub our newly adopted child?" Rose inquired, watching as Kanaya tried to regain her breathing. 

"I don't know. Are you sure we are ready for that? For perching the grub on a shelf and keeping a watchful eye on our cats to make sure none of them rip an injury?" Kanaya coughed, Rose puckering her lips in response. 

"The only difficult task would be where to settle our child." Rose quipped, stealing a kiss from her alien and pulling back with a sly expression. Kanaya shifted herself up a tad more, so that the armrest was digging into her back instead, Rose opting to just sit on Kanaya's legs. 

The plush grub was comfortably seated between them, Rose waving back the mane of black hair. 

"What shall his name be?" Rose looked up at Kanaya. 

"It's a boy?" Kanaya tilted her head.

"Now it is, yes." 

Kanaya shrugged casually, tapping on the grub's fabric cheek. "Well. I know a handful of better-sounding grub names for males than females, I always thought Akerii sounded quite polite." 

Rose clapped her hands together, swiping away their newly plush son and holding him in the air, as if he was real and chirruping happily at her. 

"Akerii Lalonde does indeed sound better than what I had in mind," Rose said, giving the grub a little kiss to the forehead. "I was going to nominate Jr, as traditionally as it sounds."

Kanaya knitted her brows. "Kanaya Jr?"

"No, Dave Jr, just to mess with him," Rose snickered. "But knowing him, he'd probably take pride in it, as long as it's out of sincerity."

Kanaya recalled his short burst earlier - about how it made him feel to just see the referral of family to him, and the tingly feelings she felt in her chest made a vast return. Kanaya leaned in, placing a gentle kiss to Rose's lips and then caressing her arms, as the blonde tenderly held their stuffed grub, giggles inevitably escaping from the both of them.


End file.
